So. It’s been a little over a year since I wrote here. It was during my come down off a long sugar bender so that I didn’t want any. Following that, I lost about 30 lbs over the course of a few months, but by the end of winter hit, and then a really rough spring and summer followed, I sit here not having gained it all and a few more back to boot and yet again trying to kick the sugar monkey off my back.
I’ve struggled for so long with this. And so many other things. How to make my life better. How to be happier. How to get fulfillment in my relationships that start well but then get difficult. I know that all things have positive and negative, but there have been some massive relationship issues I’ve faced. Then there’s the work strife, both overall of how do I balance working for a place that might fire me if they learn about the other place I work and the other place I work being a combination of mounting frustration and completely open and accepting. There’s the slow push forward to finally make progress on editing and improving my book and knowing I need to read and write more but finding it hard to get out of my own head, get past the fatigue and lack of inspiration, and just to fight the inertia.
I also want to write more. Dance more. Make love and explore kink and poly more. Make friends. Grow. Buy a new car. Worry about money less. Lose weight and get healthier. It’s all tied together. It’s all wrapped up in this complex game we call life.
Right now, rather than figure it all out, I’m just going to post this as is. A starting point again.
I’m also going to post this here, so I don’t forget: http://www.adiosbarbie.com/2015/08/i-tried-to-have-sex-with-a-porcupine-dodging-the-stigma-of-self-harm/
I didn’t write it but I find it immensely helpful and reassuring.
Here’s to new beginnings.
Oh, I gave up wheat and rice on Wednesday. Gonna be giving up more crap I shouldn’t be eating over the next few months. Trying to do it systematically to let my body adapt as I go. We’ll see how it goes.