For the second time within about a twelve month period, I’m reading “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken” by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. Cozy that this husband and wife team wrote a breakup book. Makes me want to throw up a little. Which won’t kill the deep ache inside, and I hate throwing up anyway, so nevermind.
It’s a helpful book. Must be, since I’m re-reading it again, as another marriage has fallen apart. The things I underlined and the notes I made are interesting, in that tragic kind of way.
For instance, I admit to laughing out loud when I got to the page on the left again. If you don’t know who Virus the Clown is, go here right now. And brace yourself for awesome.
Anyway, it can seem like it’s trying too hard every once in a while. There’re only so many times I can be referred to as a Superfox, Saucy Girl, and Smart, Happening Lady before it gets a little too cheeky. But the balance is right on the line, so overall I’m good. And it still packs a nice little punch for being contemporary:
“The first rule of the smart girl’s breakup is NO CALLING…the same goes for text messaging, instant messaging, BlackBerrying, blueberrying, or any other form of communication. “
And also funny enough to make me smile a bit during a time where it feels like my heart is the new rehearsal space for STOMP! the musical:
“You want to burst through this experience with dignity, grace, strength, and whole new set of windows” (from the “Breakover”) section.
It’s also chock full of good advice and things to think about:
- “Putting down that pint of ice cream may not FEEL like the right thing to do, but if you change your behavior first, your feelings will follow.
- “When a marriage or any significant relationship collapse, the sadness and grief can be overwhelming. In the midst of all this heartache and pain, you have to comprehend and adjust to the idea that your whole universe has been upended, even when you know it’s the right thing. Going through a breakup is awful. It’s a full-body experience. Every nerve ending feels it constantly, and every second feels like an eternity in your head.”
- “Actions speak louder than words and his actions have led him to have a naked party with someone else.”
- “Try shooting for feeling ‘different’ instead of ‘amazing,’ or ‘less depressed’ instead of ‘all better’.”
- “How can it be over? Because it is.”
- “Take off your victim pants.”
- “When you feel the urge to crawl into bed, you need to call a friend and make a plan that forces you to get out of the house. Instead of sitting around feeling sad and broken, you want to be doing something that makes you feel strong and resilient.”
- “It doesn’t take that much self-control to set boundaries for your grieving process that are as simple as ‘I’m not going to lose my shit in public today and I’m going to wear something that makes me look good’.”
And while I don’t want to use this journal as a place to be all waaaaahhh about my life, I think it’s justified to explore a little of the pain so I can also record the growth. The tagline is, after all, “recording goals, happiness, encouragement, & growth.” Here’s some growing.
For instance, I haven’t taken part in any of the overindulging I did when my first marriage split up. Though I try to hide it, straight up Nutella gives me the dry heaves now. I’ve tried to get over it, because Nutella is just so damned awesome. But much like the Reese’s debacle of my youth, I got too cozy with Nutella during my first divorce. The fact that I haven’t been downing pints of ice cream, jars of Nutella, or bottles of wine shows me that I’ve grown. (Go me!) And I’m glad for that. I’m actively trying to make better choices; plus, I can’t afford bottles of wine.
So I take trips to the library and the local bookstore, just to soak it all up. I’ve accepted subbing gigs at work even though the last thing I feel like doing is being peppy and working out. While I was there, I also took a class this week, thanks to the benefits of my free membership. I eat at least one meal a day, go to choir rehearsal, read, try to eat with my family, drink plenty of water, write, talk to my friends (who’re AMAZING), and do freelance work as my brain allows. None of it’s easy. Most of the time it sucks. But somehow, I will get through this.