Over the past few weeks, life has gone from fairly regular and mostly slow-paced to full of changes made at what feels like lightning speed.
There have been many times I’ve caught myself assessing and reviewing all these recent changes, my feelings about them, the concerns and excitement involved, the future implications, my ever-evolving opinions and thinking, “man, I need to write this shit down.” However, because things have been going so damned fast, I haven’t had much time to sit and write. Any down time I’ve had has been put to sleeping (which I’m not doing nearly enough of these days) or visiting with family or talking on the phone with loved ones.
But now, here I am, with some time…and every time so far today that I’ve tried to start writing…there’s just been this wall. Of nothing. I think I’m overwhelmed. Probably still tired, even though I had a lovely nap.
After five minutes of sitting here for the third time today, trying to write and coming up with nothing, I decided to start writing about that. Best advice, after all, that I’d ever gotten about getting through writer’s block was write something. Anything. Even if it’s goddammit i hate this this writer’s block sucks i had all these great ideas and now they’re gone.
By following this, there’s now four paragraphs more than I had before, which is nifty. Ideas are starting to flow, which is even niftier.
A few things that’ve happened over the past few weeks:
- I got certified in CPR for the Professional Rescuer. Picked up some other certifications, too.
- Many, many family members from my brother-in-law’s family came from many states to celebrate his 60th birthday. LOTS of work for the resulting parties, but SO worth it.
- Contacts and opportunities have presented themselves for various speaking/teaching gigs.
- Watched someone I know play high stakes craps…and win. Lots and lots of money. It was very far outside my realm of experience and more than surreal. As was the dinner he treated us to that cost more than what I used to make in a month.
- I bought a plane ticket to go to NJ for two weeks.
- Reached an agreement with my soon-to-be ex-husband and then signed and sent back the divorce papers. Cried. A lot.
- Met new friends.
- Received my first flu shot.
- Cancelled plans (which I hate to do) because I caught myself in the process of overextending and wearing my ass out.
- Have been thinking a lot about my boundaries, the kind of relationship I want and how poly or openness plays in to that
- I’ve gained and lost the same damn three pounds. I’m exercising a lot more now, but I have yet to get my eating habits fully under control. Still working on it.
- Thyroid still out of whack.
- Realized I really want a fucking iPhone. I’m a little shocked myself.
- Got tested for STDs. Passed.
Basically, I’m pushing past fears every chance I can get, reaching out to people more and more to meet new friends and also strengthen existing relationships, and generally operating out of my comfort zone.
One thing I’m so glad for, moving down here like I did, was how much closer my sister and I have gotten. It’s so nice to be able to support each other in person, on a day to day basis. We’re here for each other’s ups and downs, to act as sounding boards and proofreaders, back scratchers and pinch hitter massage therapists. We’ve shared clothes, sat talking and crying, made food for each other, went shopping, cleaned, and relaxed. I’m so grateful that she’s my sister and my friend, and having her in my court means the world to me.
I think that’s probably an overarching theme lately. Gratitude. With a bunch of wonder, anxiety, exhaustion, and enjoyment thrown in. This isn’t the life I envisioned having at 35, but it’s still a damn good one.