Now that autumn is finally here, I can feel myself relaxing. The season does that for me now. It used to excite the hell out of me; fall meant “back to school.” There was a time when it depressed me…dropping out of high school damn near killed me, but I found college. Once college was over and I graduated, I had a period of time where, in the immortal words of Avenue Q, I just wished I could go back to college. But that’s over and now autumn means cooler weather, upcoming holidays, a time to reflect and change. To embrace endings. With endings can come the opportunity for new beginnings.
The divorce papers are here; I’ve spoken to a lawyer and my sister. I don’t feel comfortable filing a counterclaim, but I need to protect myself and make sure my health insurance stays intact somehow. My sister came up with the brilliant suggestion of talking to Michael and just…asking. Asking if we could handle this without the courts and just get the divorce finalized but also if he could help me with my health insurance. He said that he wanted to help me any way he could and would get back to me by Monday or Tuesday to let me know what he can do. We had a very amicable phone conversation…the first time I’ve spoken to him in more than four months. It was weird, bittersweet, but good. There’s still an underlying friendship there, I think. I hope. We’ll see what happens.
It’s not much, but I started editing my second book. Now I need to plan to write more on it.
I’ve also fallen in love. (Yay! One more crossed off the bucket list!)
The cat is mostly out of the bag; I had been planning on telling people (especially my soon-to-be exes and my best friend/co-director) in person when I visit in November. However, when planning the shows I’m coming up for, it was becoming increasingly obvious that there was something new budding in my life. My bf/c-d asked me outright as did my soon-to-be ex husband. I told them that I was dating. Both George and Michael were supportive, which was wonderful. Michael was initially concerned, but admitted it wasn’t his business so he scaled back to “if you’re happy, that’s great.”
And I am very happy. Very, very happy. However, I now know why people say long distance relationships suck. Cause they do. Resolving conflict over 1,000 miles also sucks. But what’s awesome is when you resolve it quicker than you ever have with anyone else. Like poly with the rules I had years ago, it also opens up new ways to get to know each other. It makes you work to stay connected. Plus, it gives me time to fully heal and move on from the past, and also establish myself in this new place and life.
As such, I’m in the process of rethinking my bucket list. There are some things that I think are more topically thrilling or glamorously enticing that I need to take a good, hard look at. Pointe went by the wayside. I simply don’t have enough time and honestly, interest, to dedicate what I would need to do to learn ballet en pointe. Plus, at my age, I don’t even think it’s physically a good idea. Maybe someday, I’ll wear pointe shoes and that will satisfy the hunger. That and actually going to the ballet. But knowing my limitations isn’t a bad thing. It frees me up to focus on other things that will be more rewarding.