If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

It’s probably hella cliched and taking me far longer than it should, but I’m slowly reteaching myself how to love me.

Being in the South has slowed me down, and helped me get in touch with simpler things.  I love sitting out on the dock, watching the sun come up over the lake.  Recently, I learned to knit and that’s very cool.  At the store the other day, I found a body spray from a company I thought went out of business years ago.  The scent is something I used to wear all the time around 14 years or so ago, before my soon-to-be-ex-husband and I got together.  I loved it so much; it fit me perfectly.  Earthy, slightly sweet, and it just made me smile.  However, he didn’t like it.  So I stopped wearing it.  And I thought they stopped making it.  Lo and behold, I find a bottle of it in a Kroger in Mississippi at 2am.  My sister, because she’s awesome, bought it for me after I told her why I was kind of freaking out over a body spray.  For the rest of the shopping trip, I just kept smelling the hand I sprayed it on and smiling.

The divorce papers should be coming in the mail in a few days.  While I’m feeling pretty good right now, I know it’s going to hurt of  a lot to see the end of 13 years literally in black & white.

So I keep going forward.  Slowly but surely, I’m getting more active and taking care of my body better.  Yesterday I spent about a half hour learning the National Dance Day hip hop routine so I can participate in my own little way.  Today, while straightening more of my stuff, I also spent some time stretching out.  Yesterday, instead of a pizza for lunch, I had a nice risotto and fresh(ly thawed) green beans.

More water, less chocolate, more activity, less bread, more stretching, less sitting….this is what I’m working on.  Today or tomorrow, now that I have a little bit of leeway monetarily, I’m gonna join the Y.

Sometime soon, I want to also get off my anti-anxiety/depressant.  I’d really love to have a baby sometime in the next year or so and I can’t be on my current medication and have a healthy pregnancy.  So that’s a new goal.  Here’s hoping.

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